Who’s to blame for making all these talking heads look like out of touch bufoons who were not only disrespectful to the Cowboys but also completely uninformed about their team. Either they’re haters or morons.

Why do experts pick against the Cowboys?

What am I talking about, they can absolutely be both. The Cowboys made them all look like FOOLS! FOOLS! For doubting the 22nd ranked scoring offense in the league. For doubting Jason Garrett, the league’s longest tenured unfinished meeseeks. For doubting the back alley dice game mentality of Jerry Jones. All of you should be ashamed.

WHO’S TO BLAME

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Stephen A Smith

The Dallas Cowboys have done the possible. They beat a team hell-bent on beating themselves. All while making Stephen A. Smith look like a Muppet Babies character.

The Seattle Seahawks came into Arlington with all the confidence of a hard-dicked teenager and left a defeated shriveled shell of itself…completely insecure and angry. The kind of anger you can only possess if you were not only soundly defeated by your opponent, but even if they had played far worse still would have won because you shot yourself in the foot so many times the NRA actually wants to take your gun away.

Wait What??

That’s right, the NRA doesn’t think you’re responsible enough to own a firearm Seahawks, and they think my dog should have a gun.

And to make matters worse… The Cardinals signed Kliff Kingsbury this week so now Pete Carroll fits into the NFC West like Creed from the office.

FEEDZEKE

The Cowboys started this game off on the right foot… of Brett Maher. As is true of most Cowboys games, the defense made the Seahawks offense look exceedingly boring thought the entire first half. And the offense made the Cowboys offense also look exceedingly boring throughout the first half.

What’s that? Zeke Elliott had 120 all purpose yards in the first half? When? Perhaps I was distracted by the loud and disorienting hissing sound coming out of my television. What is that? Oh, it’s just the sound of Joe Buck slowly deflating throughout the course of the game. The Cowboys offense sneaks up on its opponents and critics.

This is on you, ESPN.

The raging hard on ESPN and the rest of sports landscape sheeple have for the death of kicking and defense has provided the perfect shroud of secrecy for the Cowboys to remain unnoticed by the breed of human twitter trolls that populate dead hellscape of cable television.

The Dallas Cowboys are alive and well in the playoffs and will remain the dominant force and topic of conversation that keeps all these people employed. So enjoy watching the Cowboys continue to win. And even if they lose, know there’s just too god damn many Cowboys fans for your corporate overlords to allow them to ignore.