Welcome to Take vs Taek, I’m TJ Carpenter and today we will be debating whether or not the Cowboys should go after Antonio Brown since the Steelers in their infinite wisdom decided to piss off the best wide receiver in the league.
Should the Cowboys go after him?
2 – You mean Antonio Brown decided to quit on his teammates and I have it on good authority he punched Owner of the Steelers Wayne Rooney in the face.
1 – Antonio Brown has not punched anyone in the face, and Wayne Rooney is a soccer player. But I can see how you’d be confused about that.
2 – Only thing I’m confused by is why you think it would be a good idea to inject the Cowboys with cancer in wide receiver form… it’s the only form of cancer more potent than liquid form. The Steelers were infected with stage 4 Antonio Brown. Cowboys already went through this once with Dez Bryant… and another time before that with T.O. … and another time before that with Keyshawn Johnson. And another time before that with Michael Irvin.
1 – Every single player you just mentioned has been to multiple pro bowls and three of them are Super Bowl Champion Hall of Famers.
2 – Yeah, but let’s be honest, it’s not like Michael Irvin was of any value to the Cowboys winning Super Bowls. Anyone could have done that. The Cowboys made Michael Irvin. He should just be grateful we let him wear the silver and blue.
1 – For arguments sake, let’s say you’re right about that, and I want to make it abundantly clear, you are NOT right about any of what you just said – But even if I assumed you were, that would still mean the Cowboys would make Antonio Brown better.
2 – How dare you… use my own words against me. You wanna fight dirty? I can fight dirty. I used to be a cockfighter, fightin’ cocks with my bare hands! You don’t know who you’re messing with.
1 – Wait, you were a cock fighter?
2 – That’s right. And nothing will make you feel more alive than being face to face with a cock that wants to rip your eyes out.
1 – Wow. Now that we’re done with that little detour, Antonio Brown is in the prime of his career. He’s the best WR in the league and you’d have him under contract through 2021, unlike say Amari Cooper who you only have under contract for one more season and who will likely cost you what Antonio Brown is making now and he’s not even close to as good. You do a straight up 1 for 1 trade today that solves your Cooper contract situation and improves your team all at once.
2 – What are you, his agent? Thanks vegan Drew Rosenhaus. Antonio Brown is an insane person… he’s throwing furniture off of balconies, he’s refusing to show up to practice… and listen to this guy on instagram. These are the ramblings of an insane person:
2 – Mr. Big Chest? What kind of name is that? He sounds like a bad Dragon Ball Z character. “Who does Master Roshi buy his opium from? Mr. Big Chest.”
1 – It’s called rebranding. It‘s worked for many athletes before. Chad Ochocinco, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Caitlyn Jenner.
2 – Yeah well, unless Mr. Big Chest rebrands as a receiver who keeps his mouth shut, he’s not welcome with the Cowboys.
1 – Here’s the thing with Antonio Brown… he’s really really good. He’s like if Jerry Rice fucked the female version of Jerry Rice. He’s fast, smart, precise and controlled… he’s got a catch radius the size of a two-car garage, the feet of a Russian ballerina and hands stickier than minivan cup holder. And when you’re that good, you expect to get credit for being that good, and if you don’t you aren’t just going to sit there and take that disrespect like a little bitch. No! You’re going to stand up for yourself. Cause you Mr. Big Chest.
2 – The Cowboys are fine. Don’t need him. We’ve got Amari, who’s name is way better for Fantasy football names… Calamari Cooper? Mr. Big Chest ain’t got nothing on that. Also, Dak carries this team. And we don’t need some hot shot coming around here ruining the 23rd ranked scoring offense in the league.
1 – Antonio Brown is a hard working family man. Just listen to him discuss how important his responsibilities are.
1 – Five kids… as you can see from this photo, having that many children can drive a man insane. Insanely driven to compete. If you’re the Cowboys, this is a no brainer, do whatever it takes to get Antonio Brown.
2 – And I say leave Mr. Big Chest to be someone else’s problem, heck let some AAF team have him, like the Memphis Express or the Washington Redskins.
1 – Well that was Take vs Taek. Let us know what you think in the comments section, should the Cowboys go after Antonio Brown? Also make sure to like our page for more enlightening conversations just like this one.