Written By: Will Keys

The post-draft Sunday Scaries are some of the worst of the year, rivaled only by the end of the first round of March Madness and the last week of the NFL Preseason. Maybe that’s why analysts and bloggers and draftniks and what not spend the following hours grading players that have yet to even step on an NFL field. It’s a little like reviewing a restaurant immediately after giving the waiter your order.

“The breadsticks were a great value pick in the appetizers round but the alfredo will likely give me diarrhea,” I tweet to my followers from the Olive Garden.

Anyways, the rampant speculation is what gets clicks and clicks make the world turn round so who am I to say no? Here’s how the Broncos made out from the NFL Draft this past weekend.

R1/P5: Bradley Chubb, DE, NC State

A few things on Chubb: first of all, what a name. Also a good indication of John Elway’s physical state when he saw that Chubb was available at five. The major concern here is scheme fit. Chubb is mostly a 4-3 defensive end, so he’ll have to adjust to playing from a standing position. Of course, Lance Zierlein said Chubb has “experience standing,” so it’s always good when you can pick up a guy who is confirmed bipedal. I’m a touch worried that passing on Rosen will come back to haunt the Broncos, but Chubb very well may be the best defender from his class.

R2/P40: Courtland Sutton, WR, SMU

Another good pick, taking a wide receiver that got a first-round grade from most draft experts (and also me). Sutton is a big-bodied dude with incredible hands in the mold of Demaryius Thomas. We’ll have to see if he can get on the field behind Thomas and Sanders, though. Low-key the best part of this pick was the fact that Dallas wanted this guy like crazy and that Jerry Jones likely turned redder than a hot iron on a steer’s hide when Denver stole him, I’ll tell you what.

R3/P71: Royce Freeman, RB, Oregon

Freeman has a lot of tread on his tires (roughly 900 carries at Oregon), so there’s a little bit of Montee Ball consideration going on with this pick. He’s already got the best nickname out of the bunch (Rolls Royce) though. One thing I’ve wondered recently: with all of the success Oregon has had, who’s been their last good NFL running back? Jonathan Stewart?

R3/P99 Isaac Yiadom, CB, Boston College

Elway loves him a good, physical corner, and it looks like he’s got that in Isaac Yiadom. My biggest regret is that Phil Simms isn’t on the call anymore to pronounce Yiadom. I think he’d end up sounding pretty yee-ahh-dumb. Sound it out, there, Phil (I secretly miss you).

R4/P106 Josey Jewell, LB, Iowa

Jewell grew up a Broncos fan, so that’s a point in his favor. Unfortunately, that point has been immediately deducted because his name sounds more like a female country singer than an NFL linebacker. Jewell isn’t the fastest guy out there, but he has the instincts to sniff plays out like a Keith Brooking type, who, uh, now that I think about it, sounds like a male country singer.

R4/P113 DaeSean Hamilton, WR, Penn State

Seems like another good addition at wide receiver. He probably isn’t a guy who gets a ton of separation, but someone that can box defenders out in the red zone. I predict a Broadway-related nickname from Brandon Perna.

R5/P156 Troy Fumagalli, TE, Wisconsin

Fumagalli sounds like the third person form of the verb “to smoke” in Italian, but that’s not as interesting as the fact that Troy is actually missing a finger. I read that it was amputated as a child, but I like to imagine he lost it in a game of high-stakes poker. Regardless, he has great hands and should compete with Butt and Heuerman.

R6/P183 Sam Jones, OL, Arizona State

Jones has great hips and a good center of gravity, a good first punch — I’m just kidding I don’t know much about evaluating offensive linemen. The more offensive linemen you get on the roster, the better the chance one won’t suck, right? Jones does have incredible hair, however, and you just can’t coach that, folks.

R6/P217 Keishawn Bierria, LB, Washington

The thing about this pick I like is that he has experience winning a lot of games over the last two years at Washington and being a linebacker, anchored that defense quite a bit. Not the fastest dude but that’s what makes him a sixth rounder. If he can contribute on special teams then that’s definitely a win.

R7/P226 David Williams, RB, Arkansas

Between Sam Jones and David Williams, the Broncos took a couple of the most generic names in the draft. Then again, David Johnson is a superstar. It’s going to be tough for Williams to find a spot with Booker, Freeman, Henderson, and Phillip Lindsay bringing up the rear.

I’m not going to grade these picks, because that’s dumb and I don’t want to end up on Freezing Cold Takes in a year. That said, most of the experts have been favorable when talking about the Broncos’ draft haul, and I think that means something. If nothing else, it takes a little heat off of Elway prior to the season.

It’s still amazing how when your team does badly and you get a high pick, you’re immediately praised for taking a good player at the top of the draft. Right, there are better options at five than at 26, that’s how the draft works. The suckier you are, the easier it’s supposed to be to find talent. I digress.

Stay tuned for my seven-round 2019 mock draft. I have the Broncos taking a redshirt sophomore kicker from Southern Maine.