— Once Raider always Raider 🇪🇸🇺🇸 (@Raiders_Spain) June 25, 2018
There’s obviously a lot to unpack here…
Let’s start with this: what are you wearing, bro? You’re really gonna leave the house wearing a Lester Hayes jersey, ankle length cargo shorts, and white tube socks?
I don’t care whether it’s a man, a woman, or a horse — you’re not getting laid looking like that.
Alright, now on to the matter at head. I mean hand. Yes, this facially-tattooed Spanish Raiders fan is sodomizing a horse statue. I know what you’re thinking: he tried to tweet out a sick burn at the Broncos’ expense and ended up completely owning himself in the process.
WRONG. Think again. This is a man that is in the throes of passion. It’s 2018 and love is love, you bigots. When he says “fuck the Broncos,” he really means it. He wants to fuck some broncos, and as long as it’s all consensual, that’s his business.
I can only imagine that prior to this picture being taken, he treated the horse to a pleasant evening out at the nicest Italian restaurant in town.
So, anyway, they’re sitting at the Olive Garden enjoying a few glasses of red, some bottomless breadsticks, maybe even some hearty oats — when the mood suddenly strikes. The Raiders fan and the horse get into the car, the Raiders fan plays a little Marvin Gaye on the aux (the horse can’t do it because he has hooves), but it gets so steamy that they can’t wait any longer and they pull over on the side of the road and make passionate love.
I only hope that his equestrian lust wasn’t so strong that he forgot to wear protection — and no I’m not talking about the spiked shoulder pads they wear at the Oakland Coliseum. Better head down to the CVS and make sure there’s not a little baby centaur on the way.
So, no, this guy doesn’t really hate the Broncos. He probably doesn’t even care about football, to be quite honest. It’s all an elaborate way of telling the world that he’s in love with a horse. If only society was more accepting, he wouldn’t have to carry on his lifelong charade of pretending to be a fan of the most pathetic team in professional sports.
Author’s Note:
Alright, I’m gonna level with you guys. This is probably the weirdest shit I’ve ever written. I want training camp to get here as much as the rest of you.
