GREATEST. DEBUT. EVER. Daniel Jones’ first career start was so good it shot him to the top of Jones Power Rankings!
Daniel Jones made his debut for the Giants on Sunday defeating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. 32-31. And his performance has already shot him up to the top of the “Jones Power rankings” …
Daniel Jones – Won a game in New York
Indiana Jones – defeated Nazis, found magic artifacts
Tom Jones – Love by anyone
Norah Jones – Spoke to my soul
Deacon Jones – Murdered quarterbacks
Jeffrey Jones – played multiple buffoons
Chipper Jones – made Atlanta Baseball relevant
Bibi Jones – made millions of penises happy
Quincy Jones – Nominated for 79 Grammys
Indiana Jones may have defeated the Nazis and Tom Jones may have won our hearts… but NO ONE has done what Daniel Jones just did. Win a single game in the NFL for the Giants. This is an historic DAY! What an incredible feat. The man is already better than Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. Patrick Mahomes? Fuck Patrick Mahomes. FLASH IN THE PAN! Dave Gettleperson knew all along what none of us knew. That Daniel Jones is the savior we’ve all been waiting and pleading for our entire lives. Maybe that means he’s not even a Jones… maybe that means he’s actually Daniel JESUS…
I know the Giants are still two games back, have no secondary, receivers, offensive line and Saquon Barkley is now out with an injury but… you cannot fight this power. To quote the great modern day philosopher Kanye West… No one man should have all this power… And yet. HERE WE ARE. Calling it right now. The Giants win the Super Bowl over the Patriots and finally defeats the forces of evil once and for all. I thank you in advance.
“It’s not unusual to be loved by Gettleman… manananananaaa…
It’s not unusual to be loved… by Gettle maaan…
But when I see you hang 32 on Winston
It’s not unusual to see him cry…. Eli wants to die…”
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