9-29-19 1p ET CBS – Titans at Falcons (-4) O/U: 45.5

While the rest of the nation waits for the JaMarcus Mariota experiment to be over, the Titans continue to push this offensive turd uphill, like Sisyphus if he smelled like BBQ and chewing tobacco. Derrick Henry however, does give the Titans a reliable back to beat a Falcons defense that is already hurting into the ground even more.

The Falcons beat the Eagles a couple weeks ago… which is something I guess. Philly was supposed to be good, they aren’t, and the citizens aren’t taking it well. but it would appear there are super heroes roaming the streets of Philadelphia… first of all respect to this dude, saving people’s lives, catching children being thrown from windows, incredible… and secondly: Falcons are probably not as good as a lot of stuff would indicate really. The Falcons are the best team on paper, but I’ll take the team with a giant blue ox for a running back and a head coach with four testacles. Take the under and the Titans +4.

9-29-19 4:05 ET FOX – Seahawks at Cardinals (+5) O/U: 48

The Cardinals probably look at the Seahawks and think, that’s gonna be us someday… The Cardinals are a lot like the Seahawks… sexy head coach who used to be in college, mobile playmaking quarterback who is undersized but still dynamic. The only difference being the Seahawks are good. Turns out looking a certain way and being a certain way are two different things.

Cardinals are huge underdogs at home. But don’t forget they did TIE the mighty Detroit Lions earlier this season. Could they tie the Seahawks as well? Anything is possible. All I know is, they’re gonna look damn sexy doing it. And really at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Take the Seahawks and the over.

9-29-19 4:25 ET CBS – Jaguars at Broncos (-3) O/U: 39

There comes a time in every franchise’s existence they start to question their own mortality. Welcome to Denver, the world of suck.
If you live by John Elway, you will die by John Elway. And that has been true for the Denver Broncos since they didn’t draft him in 1983. Was Joe Flacco a mistake? Is paying 23 million dollars for a below average quarterback who doesn’t solve any problems a mistake? Depends on who you ask. If you ask John Elway or anyone who currently has their head up Elways rear end, NO. If you ask anyone else… yes. YES IT WAS A CATASTROPHIC MISTAKE.

Will the Broncos lose to yet another quarterback that was taken extremely late, but still found his way into the NFL eco system due to hard work and diligence? Gardner Minshew’s stat line and 70s porn stache would suggest YES. But the Broncos defense… sorry wait… no… But the Broncos secondary… wait, no… the Broncos pass rush… uh… run defense? Shit…

Take the Broncos… and the under… I’m here in Denver and I can’t afford to lose any more social equity in this town by being honest. (take the Jaguars)

9-29-19 1p ET FOX – Redskins at Giants (-2.5) O/U: 49

There are a lot of reasons to hate the Redskins… their owner, their name, their awful field conditions because Dan Snyder’s kryptnoite is the sun, so it must be destroyed! And of course the biggest reason, their general incompetence and lack of attention to detail. The Redskins are a landfill for players who are well past their prime, never had a prime, or have been banished from the rest of the league due to off the field issues. Which is why Dwayne Haskins needs to THANK THE FOOTBALL GODS he hasn’t been asked to take the field yet. Trust me dude, you don’t want to take any part in this clownshow.

And by the way. Congratulations London Felcher!

It’s one of the reasons why I’m so happy Vegas has decided to play it safe on Daniel Jones!!! This soldier of righteousness is out to vanquish haters and horrible franchises alike. After Dave Gettleperson took his victory lap around the New York Giants training facility this week – Here’s a quarter back for you, here’s a quarter back for YOU, and here’s a quarter back for YOU… – The Giants are now ready to begin their quest to destroy the forces of EVIL. Take the Giants to cover and Take the over on 49… Giants might score that much on their own and also don’t have a defense. Expect a ton of touchdowns.

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