Have you ever fucked up so badly at your job that the only way to make things right was to jump into a lake and wash away the sins of the past?

Probably not, because at most jobs they just fire you if you screw up 16 straight times, or 31 out of 32 times. That’s typically how things work.

Just not for Hue Jackson. The Cleveland Browns head coach vowed after his 1-15 season a year ago that if he repeated that performance he would take a dip in the lake. Cut to 2018 and not only did he fail to improve, he and his team got worse, matching the 2008 Detroit Lions in terms of pure, Colombian, uncut futility.

Jackson is a man of his word, however, and today he took the plunge and purified himself in the waters of Lake Erie.

It was a revival of sorts — a baptism, if you will. Like that scene in Shawshank when Andy Dufresne crawls through 500 yards of shit and comes out clean on the other side. Unfortunately, I’m not sure that analogy really applies because the I doubt the Browns will ever record 500 yards of offense while Hue Jackson is still head coach.

I’m not going to trash him for waiting until June to take the dive because he’s living with a heart condition, but man it would have been way cooler if it had been at night with the full moon overhead, swan-diving into the frigid Ohio waters.

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Make no mistake, Jackson isn’t going to get the chance to do this again. If he doesn’t improve to say, five or six wins at least in 2018, he’ll be diving headfirst into unemployment this time next year.

Here are some things I might consider changing if I was Hue Jackson:

  1. Let Tyrod play the first half of the season at least.
  2. Have Jabrill Peppers play closer than 50 yards to the line of scrimmage.
  3. Just stop messing around and give the ball to Nick Chubb and Duke Johnson.
  4. Make Myles Garrett not get injured.
  5. Legally change name to “Huge Action.” Way more intimidating.

Maybe if Huge and the Browns follow my five-step plan, he’ll stay dry this season.

 

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