If you’re not familiar with Cian Fahey, he’s an Irish former-ESPN football analyst who does absurdly deep dives into film and advanced stats and whatever for his website that he runs. And the most preposterous QB rankings ever.
Oh, and he’s got some pretty ridiculous fucking takes basically all the time. Don’t mention it on Twitter though, because he’ll block you into the third row like Dikembe Mutumbo playing one-on-one with Earl Boykins.
Cian Fahey. He might block you as you’re typing the tweet to him.
— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) January 12, 2018
He’s definitely not a bad dude, and I appreciate that he grew up loving football in a place like Ireland where you have to stay up into the early hours of the morning to catch most games. And it’s not just a case of me disagreeing with him, but he’s a little too sensitive. When you’re firing off the takes he fires off, you have to have thick skin, but instead he has the safety off on the block button.
I even used to follow him for a few months last year but it got to the point where he would tweet such crazy shit that I had to smash that unfollow button before my blood pressure spiked.
Get a load of this guy:
The NFL is impossible to predict but man that Broncos roster…it’s hard to figure what way they’ll win games.
— Cian (@Cianaf) July 25, 2018
Good lord I think I might have to pop a Xanax.
So I guess once a year or so Fahey goes into his echo chamber of solitude and returns with a list of his top-25 quarterbacks. This year, he really outdid himself…
*Puts on reading glasses and goes down the list*
Okay, Rodgers at one, Brees at three, Brady at four, Ryan at five, seems like a normal list, Dak at—
SWEET SUFFERING SUCKATASH. Dak Prescott the fifth best quarterback in the NFL? I’m getting lightheaded the more I read. I may pass out. This man put Tyrod Taylor ahead of Russell Wilson, Mitch Trubisky ahead of Carson Wentz, and Jacoby Brissett ahead of Jared Goff.
Fahey was clearly working overtime at the Bad Take Factory this week to pull this list out of his ass — sorry — arse. I don’t question the fact that this guy watches a shit ton of football (probably more than is healthy) but man oh man this is the case of a guy watching so much film that he no longer has any clue as to the bigger picture.
I’m sure if you locked yourself in a room for 12 hours with nothing to entertain yourself with but raw all-22 tape from the 2017 Cowboys you could talk yourself into Dak being good, but at that point you’ve simply played yourself. Anyone with a rudimentary understanding for the game (or 50 executives for that matter) could tell you that this list is ass backwards.
Again, I’m positive he has some complex formula and charts with all sorts of variables and considerations, but really, if you’re going to put a shiny marble into a Rube Goldberg machine and it spits out a dull one, what was the point of all that work?
Sometimes in the take industry you have to throw your best fastball to get the clicks, and Fahey is really throwing 98 on the black right now, so more power to him. I guess.
(Cian if you’re reading please come on the podcast.)