I don’t know what kind of magic spell LaVar Ball has everybody under that keeps bringing his name to the forefront of every NBA fan’s lips, but can we please just be done with LaVar Ball now?

I’m sick of his name. I’m sick of his shtick. I’m sick of the asinine comments he continues to make over and over and over and we all just chalk it up to “well he’s just saying that to get attention.” That’s the same type of behavior my 7 year old uses. The problem is that I’m allowed to put my son in time out, or take away his video games, to get him to stop saying ridiculous stuff. Trust me, if I could sit LaVar down and have a one on one Daddy chat with him, I would. Maybe then he’d see how a parent is actually supposed to handle his kids when they misbehave, but I don’t think I’m “big baller” enough to get a sit down with the mastermind behind glorified, “souped up” Skechers.

We’re just allowing this man to run around saying insane shit, because we’d rather use passive aggressive tactics and ignorance. Just ask Neville Chamberlain how ignorance and appeasement worked out for him? Not so well. I would rather somebody look him dead in the eye and say, “LaVar, that’s some dumb shit you just said. Go sit in the corner and color in the coloring book we bought you.”

It can’t ignored anymore. Every time we try to ignore him he just comes back with even crazier comments and the problem is that it’s becoming detrimental to his kids. LaMelo steals and gets arrested in China and his dad just makes excuses for him. Then, he pulls both kids out of school and decides to homeschool LiAngelo, which is the most obvious lie in the entire world. I’ve watched “Ball in the Family” and LaVar isn’t teaching those kids anything. Neither LaMelo and LiAngelo knew that Philadelphia was a city, not a state, and they thought Michigan was a city in Detroit—I really wish I was making this up.


Seriously? Part (most) of me is laughing because they’re so insanely stupid, but the other part is just sad for them. A person has to be at a completely different level of stupidity when you feel actual sadness for them as a human being. This is what LaVar Ball has done to his kids.

Now he’s trying to hold the Lakers, and other NBA teams, hostage by saying Lonzo won’t sign with a team unless they sign his brothers too. Well—Bye.

If I’m an NBA GM I look at this comment as a personal attack on my manhood and intelligence. I would create a coalition with every other GM in the NBA and we would call it “Fuck The Balls”. I would blackball every single person with the last name “Ball” from the NBA entirely. If some poor kid just happened to have the last name Ball, I would force him to change his name before I would even consider signing him.

I really, really want to know what Lonzo Ball thinks about all of this. Is he so brainwashed by his father that he legitimately believes in everything his dad is saying or is there some semblance of humanity left inside of him that knows just how batshit insane his dad is?

That question eats at my soul on a daily basis.

People are going to think I’m crazy because LiAngelo and LaMelo are finding a smidgen of success in Lithuania. Well, please dear readers, tell me the last time the NBA had a SUPERSTAR out of Lithuania? I’ll wait. If any of you answered Zydrunas Ilgauskas, you’re wrong. If you answered Jonas Valanciunas, you are also wrong. They have been two of the best Lithuanian players the NBA has EVER seen and they don’t even want to play in their own country. I’m not going to praise two kids for essentially dominating a church basketball league.

The LaVar Ball craze has just become too much. Legitimate, high-visibility publications (I’m looking at you USA Today) have entire SECTIONS dedicated to this man and he’s nothing but a train wreck that’s leading his kids down a path of career destruction. So can we please just be done with LaVar Ball now. I don’t mean the “ignore the crazy man” kind of done, I mean “destroy him publicly until he just can’t show his face out in public anymore” kind of done.

It’s the only way.

Previous articleFor Those New England Patriots Fans in the Tinfoil Hats
Next article18 Athletes Who Fell From Grace… Hard