Texas Longhorns
Some people may not agree with this ranking, but the sense of arrogance and entitlement that permeates the entire city of Austin comes straight from the University of Texas fan base. No college fan base feels like they’re owed something more than Longhorns fans. Still living in the shadow of the Vince Young/Mack Brown days, their recent annual mediocrity hasn’t swayed their spirit at all. In fact, it’s only been emboldened by the arrival of Tom Herman. Stay weird Austin, stay weird.
Baltimore Ravens
Baltimore Ravens fans are a weird bunch. They start every season off as one of the most die-hard, obnoxious fan bases in the NFL. However, as Joe Flacco proves more and more that he, in fact, is not elite, the Baltimore bravado seems to waver and turn to despair. It’s like a reverse Pokemon-esque fan base that starts out as obnoxious as Patriots fans and then evolve into Browns fans.
Chicago Bears
I feel bad for Chicago Bears fans. They haven’t been legitimately good since the retirement of Brian Urlacher, yet every year they think whatever below average quarterback they toss out there is the next coming of Jim McMahon. Maybe Mitchell Trubisky is the answer behind center in Chicago—we all know Bears fans will try to convince us he is. Oh well, maybe one of these days Chicago.
Golden State Warriors
I would rank this fan base higher than it is, but before a few years ago I didn’t even know that there were any Warriors fans. Pre-Steph Curry there were a total of about 6 Golden State fans—That’s a real stat I just made up— But now it seems like everybody and their Aunt have been die hard Warriors fans their entire life and they won’t shut up about it. Here’s the rule, if you didn’t own a Baron Davis or Chris Mullin jersey before 2013, I don’t consider you a real Golden State fan.
Pittsburgh Steelers
The Steelers are the classic little brother of the AFC. They’ve won some championships, but they’re still #2 to the Patriots every single year. Their fans will talk tough like they can actually compete with the Patriots, but let’s face it, it’s all just a lot of hot air. Keep living in the past Steelers fans, because it won’t be long before total irrelevance arrives.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Here’s my thing with Cleveland fans in general, I feel really, really bad for them. Especially before the return of Lebron James. Between the Browns, Indians, and Cavs they’ve had some really bad luck in Cleveland. That is until Lebron and crew finally brought a championship home. Now Cavs fans act like they didn’t burn every single Lebron jersey in the city when he left for greener pastures in Miami in 2010. They’d better hope Lebron doesn’t leave again or the entire city might implode. At least that will shut them up.
Los Angeles Dodgers
Oh Dodgers fans, why are you all so angry? It’s almost like clock work that after any big Dodgers game we hear about some fans attacking opposing fans, or other Dodgers fans. What do you have to be angry about, other than your team completely blowing the World Series at home in a Game 7 against the Houston Astros. I’m surprised we didn’t hear about some Dodgers fans hunting down Yu Darvish after that game.
St. Louis Cardinals
I have never seen fans of a pro sports team act more pretentious than Cardinals fans. Look people of St. Louis, it’s not everyone else’s fault that the only pro team you have left is the Cardinals. I don’t a group of fans can call themselves “the only real baseball town”, just because baseball is the only pro sport they have.
Duke Basketball
This is the only fan base I chose from college basketball and for good reason. Yes, Kansas and Kentucky fans can be a little grating at times, but for the most part they’re good people. I have yet to find a Duke fan that I can stand. They’re so ridiculously rabid about their fanhood that it bleeds over into the NBA. They can only root for teams that have Duke basketball players. They’ve won two National Championships in the last 15 years, which is commendable, but if you talk to a Duke fan you’d think Duke had won every National Championship to date and are a lock to win all future championships. Calm down you little devils.
Los Angeles Lakers
I put the Lakers and the Blue Devils back to back for a reason. The Lakers are essentially the Duke of the NBA, a lot of talk and little substance. Yes they have many championships in the past, but in talking to Lakers fans they make it feel like, even in their years of irrelevance they were a force to be reckoned with. Now with Lonzo Ball joining the fold, and his obnoxious daddy in the background, the Lakers talk is only going to get more annoying.
Boston Red Sox
We get it Red Sox fans, you are very die hard. You finally won some titles, you have a big green wall, and a classic stadium. The thing that bothers me the most about Red Sox fans is that they act like they didn’t go over one hundred years without a title. They were bad before, but that Boston bravado has only gotten worse since the Red Sox have brought home some hardware. At least the team is still relevant though, which is more than I can say about the Cardinals.
New York Jets
The Jets make it this high on the list because of how absolutely delusional they are. Every year Jets fans truly believe they can compete with the Patriots in the AFC East and every year it couldn’t be farther from the truth. They can’t even compete with Buffalo right now, but for some reason they always believe this is the year they’ll stop the Patriots reign of terror. Sorry Jets fans, your team hasn’t won a Super Bowl since 1968 and the Patriots are your daddy. I think it’s time you get realistic with your expectations.
Oakland Raiders
Oakland would have been higher on this list if it were 2016, but now they have actually managed to put together a roster that can compete in the AFC and hire a coach, in Jon Gruden, that has championships under his belt. However, even though Raiders fans have reason to be excited about their team, even if they are moving to Las Vegas, they’ve lived in the glory days of their history for far too long now. Before Derek Carr entered the fold, Raiders fans were stuck in the John Madden days, hoping that by some chance their team would magically return to it’s former glory. Well, they’re close now and that has only strengthened their resolve. They need to take off the face paint and stop punching people before I being to take them seriously.
Chicago Cubs
Chicago Cubs fans are on this list for one singular reason. THEY WHINE SO MUCH. Even since they FINALLY won the World Series in 2016, they still whine and cry more than any fan base, in any sport. Relax Cubs fans. The team can’t win a title every year. They once went 108 years without a title, you can handle them going another five or ten years without on can’t you? It’s the only fan base that totally falls apart and loses all hope because of a playoff loss.
Ohio State Buckeyes
One phrase puts Buckeye fans this high on the list, “THE—Ohio State University.” That obnoxiously loud emphasis on the word “the” is more grating to me than nails on a chalkboard. I can stand few college fan bases less than Ohio State fans. They dominate the slowest, most overrated conference in the NCAA, but for some reason they act like they’re top dogs in College Football. I’m sorry Ohio State fans, have you ever heard of a man named Nick Saban?
Dallas Cowboys
There are two main reason why Dallas Cowboys fans are so irritating: they’re all still living in the early-mid 90’s and most of them aren’t even from Dallas. If I said earlier that Raiders fans used to live in the glory days, that was only a smaller version of what Cowboys fans do on a daily basis. You can’t even have a conversation with a Dallas fan without hearing about old Super Bowls, the 90’s, Emmitt Smith, or Jimmy Johnson. They also give up faster on their team than any other fan base I have ever seen in my entire life. It’s the most insanely unstable fan base in all of sports. Before a game, the Cowboys are Super Bowl contenders, but one Dak Prescott interception and to them, the entire season has fallen apart.
New England Patriots
Now here is a group of fans that has lucked out and earned the right to be as obnoxious as they are. The arrogance with which they speak when they talk about inevitability of the Patriots playing in the Super Bowl is incredibly annoying, but it’s also almost always true. One day the Patriots will lose Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and we can all watched the downward spiral of the NFL’s most spoiled fan base. What a glorious day that will be.
New York Yankees
Yankees fans are like the Cowboys fans of the MLB, but way, way worse. I have never actually met a Yankees fan that grew up in New York. It must feel nice to root for a team that tries to buy championships every single year and almost always fails. If any of us had the success rate that the Yankees have with roster cost per championship, we would all be fired. Yet these random who have never even seen the Empire State building continue rooting blindly because at some point it might pay off.
Alabama Crimson Tide
Oh yes, the New England Patriots of college football. Before Nick Saban, Alabama fans were content living off of the past works of Bear Bryant, even thought their team was largely irrelevant. Then Nick Saban runs away from failure in the NFL back to the comfort of the college game and creates a dynasty of domination in Tuscaloosa the like the NCAA has never seen before and Crimson Tide fans WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Much like the Patriots, we will all relish the day Alabama loses Saban.
Philadelphia Eagles
NOT ONE SINGLE NFL CHAMPIONSHIP and they are, by far, the most insufferable fans in all of sports. Hateful and violent is an understatement when talking about Eagles fans. They’ll throw things at opposing fans, spit on people, spit on each other, fight everyone they see. They’re obnoxious, overly aggressive, and lack any semblance of rational thought. But I’d be lying if they weren’t a fun group of people to watch, just because we might one day see that train wreck of a fan base burn their own city to the ground.
